Bringing it all together

 

 

These eight artifacts that I have written about are just a small glimpse into my journey at UNC Charlotte. I wish I could document and reflect on every single moment, but that would probably take the rest of my life! However, even if it is just a glimpse, it still is enough to paint a picture of who I was coming into college and how I have changed, and now it is time for me to focus on who I will be in the future. Our experiences, struggles, defeats, and victories are all worthless if we do not allow them to shape us and to change us. I once heard an analogy about our journey through life being a chisel. We start out as a lump of rock – undefined and unclear of what we will become. However, our experiences shape us and chisel away at that lump of rock. Some components are completely cut off or changed, while others are simply refined. Being chiseled at can be a painful process, but in the end what is left is a masterpiece. That is how I view my time at UNC Charlotte. Much of it was fun, much of it was painful, but all of it has made me into a better me. Through it all, I have learned how to be okay with missing the balance and enjoying what I am learning along the way.

 

One example of how I have completely changed is my new passion for teaching that my campus ministry helped me discover. I never viewed myself as a teacher and was content to always be on the learning end of the spectrum, but now I love to teach others and pass along what I have learned. Another part of me that is brand new is my confidence in leading. Before I was too fearful of being less than perfect, but now I know that perfection is not required to lead.

 

There are also areas of me that have been refined and strengthened rather than completely changed, such as my ever-growing compassion for people. As I learned about diversity in my community service class and the heart of a nurse in my nursing program, my compassion for people has only grown. It has turned into a huge part of who I am, and I have developed the belief that compassion is essential to the well-being of our world. Even as I reflected on my family and how they have influenced me, I saw how important it was for me to be loved and supported. It does not seem fair that some people are born into a loving family while others are born into a broken one, but that is how life works, and that is why it is so important for us to have compassion on each other and be that loving support for as many people as we can.

         

All of my personal growth has great influence on my future career as a nurse. I always wanted to be a nurse because of the ability I would have to care for people, but I never realized the depth of the impact that my position as a nurse would allow me to have on others. I have realized as I progressed in the program and went to clinicals that when I step into a patient’s room, I am stepping into their life. Just a few weeks ago, I had a patient who had her leg amputated at only forty years old. At the beginning of the day, she was easily irritated at me and frequently verbalized that none of “us” (the healthcare workers) really cared about her. I fought for her that day – I fought to show her that I did care, and that I sincerely wanted to help her. I checked on her as often as I could and asked her how she was doing, how she was feeling, if there was anything at all that I could get for her, etc. Finally, at the end of the night, I came in and she looked up at me and burst into tears. She held my hand as I stood next to her, and she opened up to me and shared all of her fears and anxieties about living life with only one leg. I sat with her for a while that night while she cried, and I did my best to validate her feelings, comfort her, reassure her, and show my support. It is moments like this that I intend to have for the rest of my career. When my patients start to feel consumed by their fears about their health, I’m not just going to medicate them and leave them. I will sit with them, listen to them, and make them feel valued, because we are all valuable and we all deserve to be loved.

           

My new perspective on perfectionism and balance will continue to shape my own thoughts as well as what I teach my patients about themselves. I am so much more confident now, and this will allow me to teach my patients and care for them calmly, which will greatly increase my efficiency as well as my effectiveness. I will also help them get a little closer to that balance in their lives without expecting perfection. When a man with diabetes is angry with himself about the poor diet that he has had for years, I will try to encourage him to have grace on himself and learn from his mistakes, and start each day as a new day and a chance to eat just a little better. When a woman who is having health problems because of her weight is avoiding exercise because of the daunting task that it seems to be and the fear of failure, I will help her focus on taking baby steps, like going on a short walk a few times a week. In the end, we all want balance in our lives, and many of us are too scared to try to obtain it because of that fear of not being good enough or not being capable. I have learned that life isn’t about obtaining that perfect balance, but about getting as close to it as we can, missing the balance, and embracing our imperfections as what makes this life such a beautiful journey. Just like the characters in the film American Beauty, I have learned to find the beauty in imperfection, and I fully intend on sharing this insight with my future patients, my friends, my family, and anyone else who will listen.

 

Throughout the process of putting together this portfolio, I have been amazed at all of the growth I can now see in myself. Life is so busy and fast-paced that I rarely take time to stop and just look back and think about the new concepts I have learned and experiences I have lived out. I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of reflecting and writing because it has brought so much joy and understanding to me. As I wrote about overcoming perfectionism and focusing on learning from my experiences instead, I found it easier to put into practice the concepts that I was writing about. For example, I have felt significantly less anxious as I worked on projects and studied for exams this semester. When I got an 80 back on exam, I did not freak out because I knew that while I clearly didn’t have the information completely memorized, I had been able to apply it like never before. When I go to my clinical sites as a student nurse, I feel confident and capable instead of shy and filled with the fear of failure.

 

I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to be in the Honors program. It has truly helped change my life. I am now living my life to learn and to love life and enjoy all of my experiences. This new perspective and accompanying inner peace are treasured in my heart, and I plan on holding onto them for the rest of my life.

 

 

I would like to give a special thanks to my wonderful committee members, Ms. Julie Hicks and Ms. Connie Rothwell! I could not have completed this portfolio without your guidance and help throughout this process. The countless revisions, the help you provided me with digging deeper in my reflection, and the encouragement and support you gave me are what made this portfolio possible!

 

Thank you to my family and my fiancé, Jon, for your support and love. You all have helped shape me into the person that I am today. And of course, thank you to my God for creating me! I am grateful that I get to live my life here on earth and practice sharing your light and your love with the world.

 

Finally, I would like to thank the University Honors Program. All of my regular university and nursing classes were extremely important in increasing and refining my knowledge, but none of them helped grow and refine my character like those in the University Honors Program. In a society where almost everyone is focused on results and prestige, I cannot express how good it was for me to be in a program that was instead focused on increasing my ability to reflect on the world and on myself. There were several times when I didn't know if I could finish the program because of the rigorous courses that I had to take for my major, but I also knew that dropping my involvement in UHP was never really an option because nothing else would be able to take its place. Nothing else offered me the insights and experiences that I gained through the University Honors Program. Thank you so much for including me in this wonderful program!